“A friend loves at all times….”  -Proverbs 17:17

Friend:  companion; a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.   (American Heritage Dictionary)

One of the most difficult things women deal with on a daily basis is friendship.  It sounds so simple; yet when you get beyond the surface, you find an intricate web of giving, taking, pushing, pulling, encouragement, discouragement, confidence and insecurity.

I personally believe that there are two kinds of people:  Givers & Takers.

The givers are the ones who reach out and try to create/maintain friendships.  They are the ones who always do all the calling, all the inviting, all the encouraging, etc.  They reach out over and over again, tiredlessly trying to “make it work”.  Many times, they are taken advantage of and left feeling drained and unappreciated.  In conflict, the givers are the ones who will always take the blame and ask for forgiveness, even when they’ve done nothing wrong.

The takers, on the other hand, seldom call, seldom invite, seldom encourage, etc.  They are seemingly unaware that they are “takers” and simply do not see that they are “self-absorbed”.  They are often quick to accuse and slow to ask for forgiveness.  They usually cannot understand why “the giver” hasn’t called or sent some form of encouragement as quickly as they think is needed.  And they often “walk away” from relationships if ”their needs” aren’t being met in the manner which they feel is best for them. 

Going deeper, I have found that many women are unable to experience true friendship because of their own insecurities, fears, and lack of self-confidence.  They want so badly to trust, to laugh, to cry, and to share their “life situations” with a friend; but past hurts and poor self-image builds walls that simply cannot be penetrated.  They begin comparing themselves with other women and feel that they never “measure up”, thus crippling their relationships and ability to experience true friendship.

This brings me to the million dollar question:  What kind of friend are you?  Do you find yourself always giving or always taking?  Do you reach out to others or do you wait for someone else to reach out to you?  Are you willing to lay down your own agenda in order to develop relationships or do you expect others to make all the changes in order to be your friend?

Self reflection is a good thing!  Let me encourage you today:  Take an honest look at yourself.  If you don’t like what you see, take it to the Lord and begin to deliberately make choices that bless others first.  Trust me, as you bless others, you will be blessed as well!